youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
