i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
