i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
