I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
