whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it hurts more in the daytime
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
