I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
