he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
