Got a toothbrush?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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