woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
