how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's shark week go big or go home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
