the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
