Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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