Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
