he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
