He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
