I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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