I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
