dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
