I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
