Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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