I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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