I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
