Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
