He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
