I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
