Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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