Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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