Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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