please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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