I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
