i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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