found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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