I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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