My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's always time for handjobs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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