New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
