I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
