I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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