Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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