It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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