My room smells like vodka and shame
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
