fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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