so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
