He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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