we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
