i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He better not be in your backpack
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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