Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
