Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
