i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
