She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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