I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
