i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
