no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
