You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
