Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're like the curious george of whores
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
