My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
